Getaway
This weekend I went on a women's retreat with my church. It was surprisingly refreshing, and not just because I got two nights and two days off from cooking and laundry and Saxon math. No, this weekend was much more.
I went into the weekend with more than a little angst. For the past week I've not slept well, and I know why. I've been all tied up in knots over a decision that dh and I have made/are making/keep talking about endlessly, and I just haven't been able to get any peace about it. I finally decided late in the week that God didn't want me to have peace about it - that it served some purpose of His to keep me all agitated and confused. If that sounds critical of Him, it's not meant to be... it's just that I believe God does this to me and other people I know on a regular basis, because He is not interested in my status quo, especially when I am. He's always on the move, trying to do something in me or for me.
Anyway, I drove up to the retreat center with my sister and told her, on the way, that I expected to spend the weekend either crying or cussing a good bit of the time. I was prepared just to confront God with all this angst and just see what He had to say to me. And I didn't expect it to be pretty.
And yet... once again, He surprised me. I just felt... calm. All weekend. I did cry a little, but I had lots of glorious time alone and even more glorious time in deep conversation with various friends, and the result was that I felt loved, and cared for, and wanted. It reminded me that God loves and cares for and wants me. Which helped me to relax about our big decision and trust that He would not leave us dangling, at least not forever. I was reminded, so gently, that I did not need to know the answer up front... I can stay on the path and just see where it leads and be okay with not knowing the final destination.
Trust - the best sleep aid known to man.
I went into the weekend with more than a little angst. For the past week I've not slept well, and I know why. I've been all tied up in knots over a decision that dh and I have made/are making/keep talking about endlessly, and I just haven't been able to get any peace about it. I finally decided late in the week that God didn't want me to have peace about it - that it served some purpose of His to keep me all agitated and confused. If that sounds critical of Him, it's not meant to be... it's just that I believe God does this to me and other people I know on a regular basis, because He is not interested in my status quo, especially when I am. He's always on the move, trying to do something in me or for me.
Anyway, I drove up to the retreat center with my sister and told her, on the way, that I expected to spend the weekend either crying or cussing a good bit of the time. I was prepared just to confront God with all this angst and just see what He had to say to me. And I didn't expect it to be pretty.
And yet... once again, He surprised me. I just felt... calm. All weekend. I did cry a little, but I had lots of glorious time alone and even more glorious time in deep conversation with various friends, and the result was that I felt loved, and cared for, and wanted. It reminded me that God loves and cares for and wants me. Which helped me to relax about our big decision and trust that He would not leave us dangling, at least not forever. I was reminded, so gently, that I did not need to know the answer up front... I can stay on the path and just see where it leads and be okay with not knowing the final destination.
Trust - the best sleep aid known to man.
posted by Mamabird @ 5:24 PM
4 Comments:
At 9:00 PM,
Dy said…
Yes, oh yes. I'm so glad you have peace. Sometimes that angst we feel is our struggle with wanting to be in some semblance of control, even when we know that's not the role we have to serve. But it's haarrrrrrrddddddd. (Can you hear me whine all the way from over here?)
Enjoy your peace, your family, and your Faith in the Lord. {{hugs}}
Dy
At 9:16 PM,
Patty in WA or Rover said…
Well, I oughtta know about that sleep as medicine thing. I slept until 11:30 today!
Why should I have guessed that you are a fan of The Divine Conspiracy? Do you ever feel like if you just got your arms around that book, you could dump about 90% of the other Christian books on your shelf? I do.
At 1:33 PM,
Mamabird said…
Oh, yeah, Dy - you bring the whine, I'll bring the cheez whiz! (g) Control is the hardest thing to give up, isn't it. Maybe someday I'll figure out how to do it right.
Patty, it's taken me 4 YEARS to get 3/4 of the way through The Divine Conspiracy. I'll dive into it, take lots of notes, get really convicted, and then stop for a while... then when I pick it back up, I have to backtrack and re-read, of course... big grin. But I agree with you - if I could just internalize and believe and live out even half the truth in that book, I could give away most of the other Christian lit on my shelves.
Except Richard Foster, of course. (grin) Those two go hand in hand, don't you think?
MB
At 11:23 PM,
Patty in WA or Rover said…
I have learned so much from Foster, too. Streams of Living Water was a very interesting book. I have read "Celebration" and "Prayer" too--to my benefit. But you just can't go wrong reading a great commentary of the Greatest Sermon.
Post a Comment
<< Home