The Next Generation

This NYT article interested me. It's all about the "new" trend of college gals who want a career until they have kids, then plan to stay home.

I have mixed feelings on this subject, but they mostly trend toward eye-rolling at all the angst and harsh judgmentalism there seems to be out there regarding women who go after a premium education and presumably "waste" it by not sacrificing themselves on the altar of materialism and corporate ladder-climbing.

The faulty assumptions behind the "what-a-waste" mentality are, in my opinion:

1) Raising children is a brainless endeavor that doesn't require an education in order to do well. Okay, I'll grant you that college today is a very expensive life choice, especially if you pursue an Ivy-League diploma. And I do give some credit to the idea that you want a return on that kind of financial investment. But, in the words of my wise mother-in-law... Send a man to school, and you've educated a man. Send a woman to school, and you've educated a family. Even if a mother does not use her education in the pursuit of homeschooling her kids, her life experiences - including the breadth and depth of her education - will all contribute heavily toward her worldview, which cannot help but assert itself in the raising of her children. And if we really value an educated society as much as we say we do, isn't in everyone's best interest that as many citizens as possible receive a higher education? Which segues nicely into Faulty Assumption Numero Dos:

2. The purpose of higher education is to make a lot of money. There is a definite undercurrent of disbelief in this article that anyone would want to give up the presumed six-figures that a prestigious diploma will yield in order to do something as financially unproductive as raising children. Since when did educated voters, jurors, volunteers, participants in low-profile but entirely necessary grass-roots organizations, neighbors, friends, and parents lose their value to society? You can enjoy the benefits of an educated populace in more than spreadsheets.

3. The only way to earn anything with your big college degree is to work full-time in a regular corporate job and put your kids in daycare. As is now obvious, I have a bias towards those gals who were interviewed for that article. I don't think their expectations are "unrealistic" or "naive" or "outdated" (opinions I've read in response to this piece) and I hope they achieve their goals of marrying, working for a time, and then stepping down to stay home. But even if they don't - even if life throws a curve ball, if the husband leaves or they can't get pregnant, or they do get pregnant and have triplets! - they are getting an education. It's an asset. And just because they don't follow a traditional career path does not mean that they can't reap some earning benefit from their degrees.

I got my undergrad degree in psychology. As psych majors everywhere know, this degree is practically useless. So right out of school I worked as a secretary, and after a couple of years I went back to grad school and got a counseling degree. The plan was that I'd work as a counselor for a while and then we'd start talking family, but since I'd have an established practice, I could keep working some, just to keep up my skills.

Well, life is what happens while you're making other plans, right? I got pregnant 9 months before I was to graduate. Ds #1 was born six days after I finished my last class. I did graduate - but I never did get that "established practice" that would enable me to work part-time around my mothering skills.

But you know what? That counseling degree has still been worth its weight in gold. It's informed my parenting decisions. It's helped me keep perspective in the dark times of marriage when I was tempted to believe that throwing dishes might be a valid relationship skill. And, three years ago, when dh said, "I want to start a company," I actually had something to contribute. And still do. Could I have started this company? No, certainly not. But could he have started it without me? I don't think so, and neither does he. My education, combined with his, and our life experiences together, synthesized to make us capable of much more than either of us could have accomplished alone.

So have I gotten a return on my education dollars? You betcha, and not just in money. I was one of those gals who thought she'd just work and then stay home with her kids. Life took an unexpected twist, a good one, and I'm now a homeschooling-mom-who-works-on-the-side. What if I'd never gone to college or to grad school? I'm sure I wouldn't have that choice today, to support my husband as he supports our family. It's a team effort around here, and I think that's what the original women's rights advocates would have applauded.