Good Lessons Come In Hard Packages
I haven't been blogging lately. (News to y'all, huh?!) I'm currently nursing DH through a minor health issue (nothing serious, thank goodness), trying to stay on top of school, and trying to spend time in earnest prayer for some people I love whose marriage is dissolving. These efforts require time. Away from the computer.
Furthermore, in the last month, I have had not one, not two, but THREE difficult conversations with friends or authority figurews regarding each of my children. Two were about behavior issues. One was about academics. All three were painful in their own way, which reminds me that I am prone to worshipping at the altar of Children Making Their Parents Look Like All-Stars. I know this about myself - that I want perfect kids who will make me look good - yet it always stings to be reminded of my selfishness. Ouch.
Note to self: Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. And: It's not about me. It's about them.
One good thing that has come out of the pain of confronting my children's shortcomings has been the opportunity to talk with them deeply. A lot. I can say that I do feel closer to my kids because of having to dig down into some of this stuff. And with both of the behavior issues, I have had the chance to reiterate to my kids that I love them and have a duty to them NOT to let them go off in foolish directions. Protecting their boundaries is part of my job. (And DH's too, of course. I'm grateful not to be in this alone.)
And another good thing has been the reminder that my efforts alone cannot produce good kids. Homeschooling isn't sufficient either. Great parenting is a good thing, but it is no substitute for God's grace. It is only His work in our family's life - collectively and individually - that will bear lasting fruit. It is good to be reminded that He is more than sufficient and that my success depends upon dependence. Not on self-reliance.
Again: It's not about me.
If getting that idea tattooed across my forehead would help, I just might do it.
Furthermore, in the last month, I have had not one, not two, but THREE difficult conversations with friends or authority figurews regarding each of my children. Two were about behavior issues. One was about academics. All three were painful in their own way, which reminds me that I am prone to worshipping at the altar of Children Making Their Parents Look Like All-Stars. I know this about myself - that I want perfect kids who will make me look good - yet it always stings to be reminded of my selfishness. Ouch.
Note to self: Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. And: It's not about me. It's about them.
One good thing that has come out of the pain of confronting my children's shortcomings has been the opportunity to talk with them deeply. A lot. I can say that I do feel closer to my kids because of having to dig down into some of this stuff. And with both of the behavior issues, I have had the chance to reiterate to my kids that I love them and have a duty to them NOT to let them go off in foolish directions. Protecting their boundaries is part of my job. (And DH's too, of course. I'm grateful not to be in this alone.)
And another good thing has been the reminder that my efforts alone cannot produce good kids. Homeschooling isn't sufficient either. Great parenting is a good thing, but it is no substitute for God's grace. It is only His work in our family's life - collectively and individually - that will bear lasting fruit. It is good to be reminded that He is more than sufficient and that my success depends upon dependence. Not on self-reliance.
Again: It's not about me.
If getting that idea tattooed across my forehead would help, I just might do it.
posted by Mamabird @ 3:46 AM
3 Comments:
At 9:18 PM,
Needleroozer said…
Going through some similar issues here. I need that tattoo on my forehead also. Nice to see you around the blogoshere, though!
At 4:51 PM,
melissa said…
Great post! Great lesson! But very, VERY hard to learn. I needed this too. thanks!
At 4:07 PM,
Patty in WA or Rover said…
I got a hard package today. I was glad to have read your post a few times before it happened.
It's actually been going pretty well for the past month. And it was really easy last week because the boy and the dad were out of town! Then today, at co-op, I find out some things that my son did, and while they are not pathological, they are not acceptable, either.
It's not about me. It's not about me. But I am the mom that is going to have to go sit in a room where my son can't behave even though all the other moms in the room were telling him to behave. And he didn't.
He's writing a report right now about the class topic. Then he is going to write an apology note to every single mom and to the teacher. He doesn't know that part yet.
Sigh.
Can't they go to Yellowstone again?
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