Patience and Humility are Fine Weapons
A week or two ago I was all set to write Patty in WA an encouraging missive about parenting through the tough times, imploring her to stay the course and fight the good fight and all that.
Well.
As it so happens, parenting (and blogging) once again turns out to be an exercise in humility, as less than 24 hours after I began putting my thoughts down, I was informed of the misconduct of one of my own… by a close friend whose children were hurt by my child's astounding lack of judgment. Sigh.
And therefore, I really do need to work out what to say to Patty. Because I need to say it to myself as well.
Sometimes parenting is war, and we all know what they say about war. But I don’t mean to say that you are at war with your child (although it often feels that way to me). Really, you – I – all of us parents (who are trying) are at war with a culture, a force, a nebulous, nameless, faceless enemy who wants less for our children than we want for them.
Sometimes the enemy takes the form of our own kids’ baser natures. Their own inherent sinful, selfish “me’s” want only what is easy, comfortable, entertaining, cool, powerful, or attention-provoking. So our job is drill sergeant, the tough guy who must whip these undisciplined souls into shape and help them develop an appreciation for what is good, what is true, and what is eternal. These desires are all tastes that cannot be acquired unless easier but less valuable pursuits are sacrificed.
At other times the enemy is not what is inside our kids, but what surrounds them. It seems that there are great and powerful forces driven by commerce, government, society, and even other parents that buffet our kids daily. I don’t even mean the obvious MTV culture of teenage angst and rebellion or the many evil, evil people who would like to turn our kids into drug users or mindless sex drones. I also mean all those forces out there that would like my kids simply to accept, not to consider and weigh, the messages that they sell. The magazines that want my daughter to be obsessed with her appearance and not her mind or her character. The camp counselors who want to help my boys define “cool” by what movies they’ve seen or how much weight they can lift. The coaches and team parents who promote winning over gaining skills or advancing the fine art of playing as a team. The guidance counselors who want my kids to go to college not so that they can be better people but so that they can get better jobs. All those writers out there who publish articles on the Web about how to get a better career instead how to think about what makes a life successful, ultimately.
There are So. Many. Battles. It seems like every time I relax for even an instant I am sideswiped by some new attack. Exhausting and discouraging, the effort of parenting.
Yet even as I type this I am reminded that the victory goes not to the strong, but to those who trust. “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build at all.” “In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct Thy paths.” “My Yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” It is past time that I ran back to the Source of All Strength and was reminded that His power is made perfect in weakness. It is past time that I rejected the idol of Being The Perfect Mom and ran instead to the Perfect Father. But, thankfully, even though this is what I should have been doing all along, it is never too late.
So. Patty. It is not too late for us. Your current battle is different than my current battle. But this is true for both of us: It is not our kids who are the enemy. We can love them and be strengthened by that love that wants the best for them. And we can go back to our Father for strength. He knows quite well what it is to battle disobedience in the hearts of His children or outside forces who would like to devour them. He can teach us too.
I welcome your insights, now that you have a little distance from your frustrations and things seem to be going a little better. I confess that while I am over the emotional hurt of the current skirmish, I'm still puzzling over how to counter-attack the real enemy.
Well.
As it so happens, parenting (and blogging) once again turns out to be an exercise in humility, as less than 24 hours after I began putting my thoughts down, I was informed of the misconduct of one of my own… by a close friend whose children were hurt by my child's astounding lack of judgment. Sigh.
And therefore, I really do need to work out what to say to Patty. Because I need to say it to myself as well.
Sometimes parenting is war, and we all know what they say about war. But I don’t mean to say that you are at war with your child (although it often feels that way to me). Really, you – I – all of us parents (who are trying) are at war with a culture, a force, a nebulous, nameless, faceless enemy who wants less for our children than we want for them.
Sometimes the enemy takes the form of our own kids’ baser natures. Their own inherent sinful, selfish “me’s” want only what is easy, comfortable, entertaining, cool, powerful, or attention-provoking. So our job is drill sergeant, the tough guy who must whip these undisciplined souls into shape and help them develop an appreciation for what is good, what is true, and what is eternal. These desires are all tastes that cannot be acquired unless easier but less valuable pursuits are sacrificed.
At other times the enemy is not what is inside our kids, but what surrounds them. It seems that there are great and powerful forces driven by commerce, government, society, and even other parents that buffet our kids daily. I don’t even mean the obvious MTV culture of teenage angst and rebellion or the many evil, evil people who would like to turn our kids into drug users or mindless sex drones. I also mean all those forces out there that would like my kids simply to accept, not to consider and weigh, the messages that they sell. The magazines that want my daughter to be obsessed with her appearance and not her mind or her character. The camp counselors who want to help my boys define “cool” by what movies they’ve seen or how much weight they can lift. The coaches and team parents who promote winning over gaining skills or advancing the fine art of playing as a team. The guidance counselors who want my kids to go to college not so that they can be better people but so that they can get better jobs. All those writers out there who publish articles on the Web about how to get a better career instead how to think about what makes a life successful, ultimately.
There are So. Many. Battles. It seems like every time I relax for even an instant I am sideswiped by some new attack. Exhausting and discouraging, the effort of parenting.
Yet even as I type this I am reminded that the victory goes not to the strong, but to those who trust. “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build at all.” “In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct Thy paths.” “My Yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” It is past time that I ran back to the Source of All Strength and was reminded that His power is made perfect in weakness. It is past time that I rejected the idol of Being The Perfect Mom and ran instead to the Perfect Father. But, thankfully, even though this is what I should have been doing all along, it is never too late.
So. Patty. It is not too late for us. Your current battle is different than my current battle. But this is true for both of us: It is not our kids who are the enemy. We can love them and be strengthened by that love that wants the best for them. And we can go back to our Father for strength. He knows quite well what it is to battle disobedience in the hearts of His children or outside forces who would like to devour them. He can teach us too.
I welcome your insights, now that you have a little distance from your frustrations and things seem to be going a little better. I confess that while I am over the emotional hurt of the current skirmish, I'm still puzzling over how to counter-attack the real enemy.
posted by Mamabird @ 3:18 PM
1 Comments:
At 9:42 PM,
Patty in WA or Rover said…
Hi, Birdy!
I'm contemplating and reading and things have gone a lot better this week...in a lot of ways, at least.
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