Ignoring My Editor
Like anyone who ever writes anything, I have a very strong and persistent little voice in my head that says, "Why are you even bothering with this? You have nothing original to say. This has been discussed many times by better writers and deeper thinkers than you. You have nothing to contribute here. Go do your laundry." This voice pipes up just about every time I sit down to write.
The voice was especially strong the night I first sat down to create this blog. I made the mistake of visiting about 50 other blogs that night. Oh! They were so funny! Creative! Interesting! My life seemed dull and stupid compared to theirs. And the NAMES of their blogs! So clever! Everything I could think of was idiotic, pedestrian, bor-ing.
Natalie Goldberg calls this voice the Editor. In her wonderful, classic book Writing Down The Bones she advises: The more clearly you know the editor, the better you can ignore it. After a while, like the jabbering of an old drunk fool, it becomes just prattle in the background. Don't reinforce its power by listening to its empty words. If the voice says, "You are boring," and you listen to it and stop your hand from writing, that reinforces and gives credence to your editor.... Hear "You are boring" as distant white laundry flapping in the breeze. Eventually it will dry up and someone miles away will fold it and take it in. Meanwhile you will continue to write.
I was thinking about my editor yesterday while sitting in church, and I realized that there are many artists whose work I love and enjoy and take pleasure in who were not stopped by their own editors. They did not allow their editors to prevent them from writing and playing music and painting and composing. And I benefit from their courage and perseverance.
So this is the truth: It is a LIE that I have nothing to contribute. And it is not my job to condemn myself for trying to say something, anything. I'm going to say it and put it out there, and maybe it will be bad at times. But how will I ever know unless I submit myself to the process? And it will ALWAYS be unoriginal, for "there is nothing new under the sun" and there never will be. I am free to repeat whatever I am moved to repeat. It might even be good for me.
The voice was especially strong the night I first sat down to create this blog. I made the mistake of visiting about 50 other blogs that night. Oh! They were so funny! Creative! Interesting! My life seemed dull and stupid compared to theirs. And the NAMES of their blogs! So clever! Everything I could think of was idiotic, pedestrian, bor-ing.
Natalie Goldberg calls this voice the Editor. In her wonderful, classic book Writing Down The Bones she advises: The more clearly you know the editor, the better you can ignore it. After a while, like the jabbering of an old drunk fool, it becomes just prattle in the background. Don't reinforce its power by listening to its empty words. If the voice says, "You are boring," and you listen to it and stop your hand from writing, that reinforces and gives credence to your editor.... Hear "You are boring" as distant white laundry flapping in the breeze. Eventually it will dry up and someone miles away will fold it and take it in. Meanwhile you will continue to write.
I was thinking about my editor yesterday while sitting in church, and I realized that there are many artists whose work I love and enjoy and take pleasure in who were not stopped by their own editors. They did not allow their editors to prevent them from writing and playing music and painting and composing. And I benefit from their courage and perseverance.
So this is the truth: It is a LIE that I have nothing to contribute. And it is not my job to condemn myself for trying to say something, anything. I'm going to say it and put it out there, and maybe it will be bad at times. But how will I ever know unless I submit myself to the process? And it will ALWAYS be unoriginal, for "there is nothing new under the sun" and there never will be. I am free to repeat whatever I am moved to repeat. It might even be good for me.
posted by Mamabird @ 6:50 AM
4 Comments:
At 6:24 PM,
Mamabird said…
Thank you, anaxx. Onionboy is fascinating! I just did a quick perusal of his site and realized I have much to gain from reading there.
Yes, you're right about the value of having a "conversation" out of context... what really inspired me to start all this was a couple of blogs by friends. I know a very different aspect of their lives than the one portrayed online, yet both views are valid representations of them as people. I think this whole blog thing is a unique window on people.
To be honest, your question of "who is your audience?" is one I haven't really thought through. I suppose (to be really cliche), "It is who it is."
Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comments.
Mamabird
At 6:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
I always knew you were a writer... For so many years I lived close enough to be privy to your daily profound thoughts and insights. Now you've given me (and the countless others who will be inspired by you) access to your thoughts...and I am profoundly blessed! After all you are my inspiration...
At 8:12 PM,
Janet said…
I've also tried to figure out who I write my blog for. I know I have readers, do I write for them? Some family members read it to, do I edit things out that I don't want them to read? When I first started this I just wanted a place to express myself, I never dreamed anyone would want to read it. I still haven't decided.
At 12:58 AM,
Kimberly Cangelosi said…
Intersting discussion! I just created my own blog this afternoon and was feeling exactly what you describe, thanks for the reminder that "there is nothing new under the sun."
Every writing instructor I've ever had has posed the audience question...and I never quite got it. To me it seemed much more relevant to ask "who am I today, right here, in this piece? Am I a self-concious, undereducated Southern man posing as a radical, am I reserved young woman alone on a farm in Utah, am I Kim, the longsuffering nanny or Kimmy, the daughter who wants so badly to cheer and please, am I Nathanial Hawthorne or Dororhty Sayers?" Who you are speaking to shouldn't make much of a difference if you know who you are writing as. (And I'm not just talking about fiction.)
It is 2:50 am, so I may be overstating my position on this one.
I have a tendency to do that and then my editor steps in!
Anyway, what Anaxx said; "Church friends, gaming friends, coworkers, they all only know one piece of me, and they are always interested to know the half that they've never seen. It's like gossip, only it's guilt-free because I'm the one dishing it. :)" sounds like a great reason to blog and I'm looking forward to it!
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